Moving on up: Pacer staff makes a change
Out with the old ...
I've tried to write this thing at least four times and decided I hated it every time. So here's my best attempt at being meaningful.
One of the best things I ever did was double major. Not so much because I'll walk away with two degrees, but more just because it gave me an extra year here. I thought this last academic year would break me and it didn't. I'm more malleable than I thought.
More than that, this past year was the year I figured out what love really was. When you fight, you talk about it and you move on. You have to deliberately choose to love people. You choose them when they're good and you choose them when they're not so great. Especially when they're not so great.
About 30 to 40 percent of the time, I'm fairly difficult to get along with. I'm blunt and I have high standards for both myself and other people. I expect so much because I believe that I can do it, and I believe that other people can do it. My Pacer office people have figured that out about me, I think, and so they stick around even when I'm terrible.
My most recent pet peeve is people asking me what I have planned for after graduation. I have no idea. I only ever planned this far. I can say that whatever it is will involve a lot of hard work and love. Love for the written word, love for people and a love for making things right.
I hate the idea of leaving here. All the people I love are staying here or graduating with me. There will be a day when I wake up and their faces are no longer a part of my everyday life. That's going to be a bad day for me, one marked by many tears.
But I also know that a day will come when I wake up and realize that they're still with me and there's a world pregnant with promise. There will still be work to do and more people to love.
I'm not good at letting go, mostly because I never seem to want to. Why would I? The people who work in this office are brilliant. I'm not willing to let go of a single one of them.
I'm scared. I don't know where I'm going. Half the time I don't know what I'm doing. I know I'll be fine, but I want to be more than fine. I want some sort of plan, something definite. It's easier to move on if you know what you're moving on to.
One thing that comforts me is knowing that the staff of this publication for the upcoming year is comprised of some of the most competent and beautiful people I've ever known. They have vision, a quality I don't see that often. Those people would include Katie Jarvis, Mary Jean Hall, Sheila Scott and Bradley Stringfield, with Malorie Paine as print Managing Editor and Alex Jacobi as Executive Editor. And last but certainly not least, Eric Brand will be taking over my baby, the Viewpoints page. I have complete confidence in all of them but especially Eric because, well, I'm the one who trained him. Fine, judge me for my self-promotion.
And of course, no farewell would be complete without saying thank you. Thanks to my family for whipping me back into shape when I get out of line. Thanks to my professors for making me less ignorant and for teaching me how to use my own brain. Thanks to my PEPpers for teaching me how to teach other people. Thank you to Tomi McCutchen Parrish, who taught me the difference between an editorial- the opinion of the executive staff of a newspaper, which uses the royal "we" -and a column, which is one person's rant. Most of all, thanks to Pacer staff for teaching me how to feel again.
For all you Whovians out there, I'll go ahead and reference the tenth doctor, "I don't want to go." I don't want to go and I know I have to.
There's going to be a hole somewhere in my heart now. I don't know how to fill it.
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