Reflections on the campus deer death
Published: Wednesday, December 5, 2012
Updated: Wednesday, December 5, 2012 13:12
I’m sure most of the student body has, by now, heard of the deer suicide and the numerous jokes that went with it.
And, yes, I’m about to add a few more of my own, although somewhat belatedly. Some of these shall have a Christmas twist, though, so hopefully they’ll be fresh.
I’m desperately hoping that soon reports will come pouring in that students and faculty are seeing the ghostly presence of a deer roaming around the UC and library area. I’ve not heard any in the past month or so, so perhaps it’ll be more of an anniversary thing, fingers crossed.
It’s just that it’s such a weird little incident. Granted, I haven’t done the research, but I don’t really think it is part of a global trend. I don’t know. I know deer are supposed to be panicky, but surely that’s a bit of an overreaction.
My main confusion, I suppose, is why the deer climbed up there in the first place. What could have possibly enticed him (or her, I guess, I didn’t pay that close attention) up there? Curiosity? A prolonged sense of doom? Bugs Bunny dressed up as a sexy deer?
This is why UTM has to be one the best universities in existence. Where else is this kind of stuff going to happen?
Okay, now on to my request. We totally need to have an all-night vigil on the anniversary of this deer’s death. Candles, hot chocolate and whatever else you need for camping out all night (I don’t ever camp, so what do I know?).
I think we need to use this as a selling point for the university. Personally, I was already pretty set on coming here for an education, but any prospective students that are undecided may just come here once they hear about it (assuming, of course, that they have a similar sense of humor to mine, which may be stretching it).
Now that I think about it, did anyone actually witness the deer jump? I’m not saying foul play was involved, but somewhere in the part of my brain that I try to hide from people, I wonder if this was some sort of deer murder. Maybe a hit performed by the deer mafia. (And, yes, I heard that groan you just let out. You try writing a deer joke next time.)
If it is some sort of deer mafia incident, what did this poor deer do? Did it rat out the boss? Witness something it shouldn’t? Does that mean that there has been a whole string of deer crimes Martin citizens know nothing about? Was it an upset in the reindeer lineup for Santa? And, no, I don’t know why I’m asking you all this stuff.
Now that the deer is dead, will it turn into one of the ghosts from A Christmas Carol? Oh, don’t scoff. Of course there’s an all-deer version.
For those of you who I’m sure I’ve offended by now, I realize that suicide and murder are quite serious subjects. But this is about a deer and not a human being. So before you pelt the office with angry comments or anything else, please realize the various differences between deer and human beings. The life of a human being is sacred and a deer’s isn’t, plain and simple. (Unless you do believe that a deer’s life is sacred, in which case, oops. Sorry, PETA.)
In any case, as funny as it is, I couldn’t help myself from saying “Poor deer” over and over. For me, it’s always sad when something dies for no reason. I hate endings, I hate goodbyes, and I hate a waste.
Perhaps I think too much, but I pity that deer. It died alone and scared, and that’s a terrible way for anything or anybody to go: unmissed. I know it’s just a deer. I didn’t lose any sleep over it; I didn’t cry and it didn’t change my life. But I still feel sorry for it, and I’m not quite sure why.